Pretisha Reddy: 21/04/2013
Pretisha I am very interested to see where you take your
argument. I think you have picked a topic that has great potential if you
portray it in the right way. Wikipedia is obviously a great website that a lot
of people use on a regular basis but from what I have experienced it is not a
source that should be relied on when gathering information used for academic
purposes. From what I can tell from your introduction it seems as though you
don’t really have a clear opinion for or against this argument. You have
mentioned that Wikipedia is a mostly reliable source and that you like to use
it; however you have then also mentioned that it is hard to distinguish which
information is true and which information is false. It will be great to see how
your argument progresses throughout the brief once you have a clear opinion.
Patrick Scott: 22/04/2013
I think you have picked a really interesting topic to argue
and it is great to see that you have come up with a strong viewpoint as to the
fact that you believe that violent media plays a role in violent behaviour. I
personally don’t agree nor disagree with your argument however I think there
are a lot of viewpoints on the topic. I have played call of duty, grand theft
auto etc for fun before, however I have never played properly. Obviously there
is a sense of power you get from these games when you are playing them and I
think you are right when you say that this does not influence violent behaviour
as in I have never seriously consider actually killing someone simply for the fun
of it as a result of playing violent video games. You have mentioned that you
feel repetition of killing people is blurring the lines between reality and
fantasy. I disagree with this statement, like most teenage boys my brothers and
friends etc have all gone through stages in their lives where they have played
such games excessively and I don’t think this has affected their behaviour in
real life in any way, so it will be interesting to see if you can come up with
any strong evidence to prove otherwise. You have obviously done quite a lot of
research on this topic already and you have already produced a substantial
amount of fact in relation to your topic. It may be more convincing for us as
the audience to see these facts in their actual from via hyperlinks.
Matthew Samin: 22/04/2013
I love the fact that you have come up with such a unique
topic and it is definitely an argument that I have never heard anything about
before. I have never really been into art as in painting and drawing etc so I’m
wondering what you are defining as art when you say ‘artistic works’ ‘piece of
art’? I guess the subject ‘art’ is quite broad so it will be interesting to see
where you take your argument. I like your introduction; I think it is well
written, clear and to the point. Given
the word limit it is great to see you have left room from a substantial
argument.
Alex Woodward: 22/04/2013
I think the topic you have chosen is very interesting. Woman
being poorly and/or disproportionately represented in the genre of video games
is certainly a topic I have never put too much though into so I’m really
interested to see where you take your argument. I think you have produced a
great introduction which has clearly outlined where you intend to take your
blog.
Ronal Reddy: 22/04/13
Wow you have already written a considerable amount of your
blog, almost the entire word limit. I think your topic should the voting age be
lowered to 16 is a great one and it is subject that would no doubt affect us
all if it were given the go ahead. You have already gathered a lot of information
and I like that you have made good use of this information by using hyperlinks.
It looks like you may have had a late subject change as you also have a large
amount of information regarding the importance of conservation, as well as
gender inequality in New Zealand and globally. This makes it quite hard to
focus on your main argument so it may be useful to delete any posts that do not
relate directly this.
Patrick Scott: 2/05/2013
I think you have come up with some great ideas and you are
producing a blog that I am genuinely interested in following because of this.
Obviously you have made a lot of great points about children and their access
to violent movies etc. Yes the rating system can stop underage people from
viewing violent movies whilst they are showing at the cinema but when they are
released onto DVD or available for rent I think it is up to the parents to
decide whether they want to expose their children to such things. At the end of
the day parents ultimately know their children and their responses. They are
also responsible for ensuring their kids know the difference between right and
wrong. I like that you have posted evidence to support your claims, however you
have published a significant amount of your blog and are still yet to produce
any hyper-links. Instead of producing in text references in your blog it could
be useful to somehow turn this into a hyper-link directly to the evidence and
then produce a reference list separately in one final post before the
submissions date.
Ronal Reddy: 2/05/2013
I think you have come up with a great argument. You have
made some very good points in regards to your topic. I completely agree with
your statement when you mention that this is not just a problem for teenagers
between 16-18 but also those of us between the age of 18 and 24. I was eligible
to vote during the last elections but didn’t, simple based on facts that you
have mentioned in your blog. Being given the opportunity to take part in
choosing the next leader of our country is essentially quite a big thing.
Politics like most young adults is a topic I know next to nothing about, if I
were to vote it would most likely have been for all the wrong reasons. You
backed up a lot of the evidence in your first blog post by making good use of
hyper-links; it could be useful for you to use hyper-links in this post to give
your argument some validity.
Alex Woodward: 3/05/2013
You have obviously put a lot of time and effort into your
blog. It seems like you have already posted the majority of what you have to
say. It could have been useful for you to have split this up into a number of
different blog posts to follow more of a blog format; regardless I think what
you have produced is great. You have made good use of your hyper-links, all of
which provide great evidence to support your argument. Prior to reading your
blog I really hadn’t put much thought into your topic, after having a look
through your hyper link ‘list of the 50 greatest female characters in video
games’ there is probably not a single character that I can even recognise. In
saying this, it is blatantly obvious women are being poorly represented
regardless of whether I have knowledge of their character. I think you have
produced a great conclusion which sums up your argument nicely and I think you
have done a great job in representing your topic in a consistent and logical
way.
Matthew Samin: 6/05/2013
While you have produced some great points in regards the
censorship of art it could be useful to add hyper-links into your post to make
your evidence more viable. It is great to see that you obviously have a lot of
passion for your topic.
Elsie Uini: 6/05/2013
I think you have produced a great blog. Like you I have no
personal experience with beauty pageants, nor do I have any knowledge on the
topic. When I think of beauty pageants I think ‘American’ and it seems like the
topic is not very well known within New Zealand. In saying this I have heard of
toddlers in tiaras and more specifically Honey Boo-Boo but I have never watched
the show aside from the short clips you have provided in your blog. Something I
did notice was that you haven’t actually incorporated your hyper-links into
your blog. Instead of having them all within your sources it could be useful
for you to arrange them where appropriate within your posts. This might make it
easier for readers to link your evidence to their original sources.
Alex Woodward: 7/05/2013
Personally I think it was a great idea to redefine your
topic in which it now covers just the sexualisation of woman. Obviously with
such a small word limit it is hard to analysis a wide range of subtopics within
your broader topic. I don’t have a lot of knowledge on the topic so for me, at
least being able to focus on just the three posts you have provided it
great. They are each clear and concise,
which makes it so much easier for viewers to read and understand.
Nicola Clements: 7/05/2013
Thanks for your comment Nicola. I realise that the
statistics provided are a bit hard to understand. This is how they were
presented in the survey they were originally from and I don’t want to risk them
being misinterpreted by changing around the wording too much. However I will
look into ensuring that they are a bit easier to read.
Eden Rima: 7/05/2013
Thank you for pointing out that you didn’t bother to watch
the video because it was too long. I did realise that the video was almost an
hour long but didn’t think about the fact that viewers are unlikely to watch a
video of such length. Because of this it probably does nothing to enhance my
argument. I will look into finding maybe just a clip from this video to
highlight the main points discussed in my blog.
Pretisha Reddy: 12/05/2013
Wow it seems like you have just decided to change your
topic. It’s great to see you have managed to get so much information posted in
such a short amount of time. It looks like you have already gathered a
significant amount of information and I’m looking forward to seeing it all come
together in your argument. You have a list of links posted; however it could be
useful for you to arrange the relevant information throughout your blog using
hyper-links. This is part of the assessment criteria and it will also be
helpful for viewers like me to link your evidence back to their original sources.
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